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As a Democratic Member of Congress, I Don’t Wish to Speak Ill of the Dead

McSweeney’s
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<p><i>&#8220;Lindsey Graham, a Republican senator from South Carolina and a onetime opponent turned stalwart ally of President Trump who was a forceful advocate for an interventionist U.S. foreign policy, died on Saturday evening.&#8221;</i> &#8212; <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/12/us/politics/lindsey-graham-dead.html">New York Times</a></p> <div class='break'>- - -</div><p>I don’t wish to speak ill of the dead,…

I’m Cyclosporiasis, the Explosive Diarrhea Parasite, and I’m Pivoting to Music

McSweeney’s
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<p>It’s a little embarrassing, but yeah, you’ve probably heard of me. Cyclosporiasis? I’m kind of, like, <a href="https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/5960765-map-where-cases-of-explosive-diarrhea-causing-parasitic-illness-have-been-reported/">the most famous parasitic illness in the country right now</a>? It’s so crazy, dude, but I’m grateful for the platform. Now I can transmit my talents to my true passion: Music.</p> <p>When I’m…

President Trump’s Mind Is Too Advanced to Be Constrained by Reality

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<p><i>&#8220;&#8216;We had 111 missiles shot by the Islamic Republic of Japan. They were shot at the aircraft carrier,&#8217; Trump said, inventing a new government and confusing Japan with Iran.&#8221;</i> &#8212; <a href="https://newrepublic.com/post/212832/trump-confuses-iran-japan-zelenskiy-putin">The New Republic</a></p> <div class='break'>- - -</div><p>The White House would like to address the malicious rumors that President Trump…

Reset Yourself

McSweeney’s
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<p><em><a href="https://www.mcsweeneys.net/columns/underground-artists"><strong>Underground Artists</strong></a> is an ongoing comic by Ali Fitzgerald (<a href="https://www.mcsweeneys.net/columns/hungover-bear-and-friends"><strong>Hungover Bear &amp; Friends</strong></a>) that follows woodland creatures as they create art and search out whimsy in a bleak forest.</em></p> <div class='break'>- - -</div><p style="text-align:center;"><img src="https://tendency-prod.nyc3.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com/7tq34fngj3i2eo6p38fqtcdz370v" alt="" /></p>

Tom Waits White Noise Sound Options

McSweeney’s
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<p>Rumble of freight trains at dusk</p> <p>Tuesday delivery at scrap metal yard</p> <p>Broom sweeping floor of bar in Sheboygan at closing time</p> <p>Hailstorm on roof of jalopy</p> <p>Guy named Monty playing spoons in front of barrel fire</p> <p>Minor league baseball game on radio in room next door at flophouse, 1953</p>…

Why Can’t the Left Understand That a Politician’s Mysterious Illness Is Between Him and His Doctor?

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<p><i>&#8220;Senator Mitch McConnell, Republican of Kentucky and the former majority leader, was hospitalized on June 14. Since then, his office has provided few updates about his condition. The scant official statements have led to speculation around Washington and efforts to piece together information on what happened.&#8221;</i> &#8212; <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/06/us/politics/mitch-mcconell-health-hospitalization.html">New York…

Let’s Drive This Friend Group Right Into the Abyss

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<p>Did someone say group trip? <i>Yes</i> please, <strike><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abilene_paradox">Abilene paradox</a></strike>. We should absolutely go to an undisclosed location for an undisclosed price to sleep in various uncomfortable configurations and spend unmitigated time together with unexpressed needs simmering and expressed needs exploding. This will be so fun.</p> <p>A weekend away from…

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