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<p><i>“Taylor Farms is recalling items containing jalapeños sold at major retailers over Salmonella risk. The salad company, which recently recalled certain lettuce products amid the ongoing cyclosporiasis outbreak, announced on Aug. 9 that it is recalling its products made with jalapeños due to potential Salmonella contamination amid a multistate outbreak.”</i>…

<p>Welcome aboard Svelte Airlines flight 362426. We’re so glad to have you with us today. Not you, econo-fat in 49C; we just tolerate you. For now.</p> <p>Please sit in your assigned seat. Unless the person next to you doesn’t like that. Ultimately, the person to your left will decide whether…

<h4>Subject</h4> <p><strong><i>History of Present Illness:</i></strong><br /> The patient, a thirty-year-old female, describes “not feeling like myself” following an incident at the temple of Athena. Intake nurse documented patient as hostile when she refused to remove veil.</p> <p><strong><i>Chief Complaints</i></strong><br /> The patient reports experiencing chronic, localized hissing and turning others to…

<p style="text-align:center;"><i>Sillicombe Valley Public Beta, <br /> November 1650</i></p> <h4><span class="caps">EXECUTIVE</span> <span class="caps">SUMMARY</span></h4> <p>Eight-week public beta completed successfully. Eight hundred and forty-seven community posts. Eighty-five percent village adoption. Twelve fatalities, all community-led.</p> <h4><span class="caps">PROJECT</span> <span class="caps">BACKGROUND</span></h4> <p>Sillicombe is an underdeveloped village consisting of seven hovels, one tannery, and a small…

<p><span class="caps">MOM</span>: I’m going to the front desk. I want to embarrass our adult children.</p> <p><span class="caps">DAD</span>: I was just there to do exactly that by getting a ridiculous number of washcloths that we won’t use.</p> <p><span class="caps">MOM</span>: Perfect. I’ll ask for a problematic number of towels and a pillow…

<p><i>The following prompts were submitted to an image-generation service over the course of a century. The user has since been suspended.</i></p> <p><strong>Prompt 1</strong><br /> Create a timeless late-Victorian oil painting of the most beautiful boy in the world (me). Comely features. Lovely. Fair. Debonair and aristocratic. Use only the finest…

<p><span class="caps">NATIONAL</span> <span class="caps">WEATHER</span> <span class="caps">SERVICE</span></p> <p><span class="caps">EXTREME</span> <span class="caps">HEAT</span> <span class="caps">ALERT</span></p> <p>///<span class="caps">BULLETIN</span> <span class="caps">BEGINS</span>///</p> <p>… ALERT… ALERT… ALERT…</p> <p>… BE <span class="caps">ADVISED</span>: <span class="caps">EXTREME</span> <span class="caps">HEAT</span> <span class="caps">AND</span> <span class="caps">HUMIDITY</span> <span class="caps">POSE</span> <span class="caps">SEVERE</span> <span class="caps">RISKS</span> TO <span class="caps">HEALTH</span> <span class="caps">AND</span> <span class="caps">CRITICAL</span> <span class="caps">INFRASTRUCTURE</span> <span class="caps">ACROSS</span> <span…

<p>“How sure are we that she’s dead? Should we double-check just to be safe? I know for a fact that she would not want to be buried alive.”</p> <p>“My dog wasn’t chill with anyone, but he was chill with her.”</p> <p>“She was never weird in conversation, and even if she…

<p><strong>How do I like a profile?</strong><br /> Please highlight what you like and add a query.</p> <p><strong>How do I dislike a profile?</strong><br /> Please use track changes.</p> <p><strong>What if I disliked a profile by accident?</strong><br /> Write “stet.”</p> <p><strong>Are you hiring freelancers?</strong><br /> No.</p> <p><strong>Can I end my “About me”…

<p>Dear Ted Lasso,</p> <p>With your new season coming out, I thought you’d like some storyline advice from a non-Emmy-winning, suicide-surviving, journaling-through-the-pain, amateur writer mom. We can be pent-up-feelings pals.</p> <p>I’m beyond grateful that in the first three seasons, you and the army of emotionally courageous people constructing you were willing…