BlogFlockAfter a decade on dating apps, I’ve decided to enter a different market. This is why I’m listing myself on Zillow until I find a good match—which, to my understanding, will be about forty-eight hours.
I realize that my late-’80s construction might not land me in the “trending” section right…
Take your time.
You have to eat the whole cake, but you don’t have to eat it all in thirty seconds. A sitting can take as long as you need. Pacing yourself will reduce the risk of choking. Do the smart thing and slow down while you eat the entire…
A term used by New York transplants to pander to locals and/or cynically promote their recently opened boutique, restaurant, or bakery.
“Come celebrate the grand opening of our new French-Belgian infusion cafe on Shunk. We’re calling it Merde Jawn.”
Any spot in a bike…
Dear Customers:
Some humans (I think? Hard to tell) in masks and vests showed up this morning and took Manny and Kumal away. As you may have noticed, those two were the only staff—despite this place being open from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m., truly lazy, shiftless drains on society,…
“Even as videos emerged that contradicted the government’s account, the Trump administration was in a race to control the narrative around the killing of Mr. Pretti, a registered nurse with no criminal record who was pinned down when immigration agents opened fire and killed him.” — New York Times
Problem: The story you are writing has plot holes.
Solution: Unreliable narrator.
Problem: The story you are writing has severe, glaring plot holes.
Solution: Unreliable narrator with amnesia.
Problem: Even an unreliable narrator with amnesia can’t explain the plot hole typhoon…
“In a free-wheeling speech to world leaders at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, President Trump…touched on his desire to obtain Greenland from Denmark…, America’s contribution to Nato, and wind energy in China.” —BBC
Fellow knights, I have traveled a great distance to be here…
“As support for abolishing ICE grows among Democratic voters, party leadership continues to argue for reform instead.” —Salon
When word reached King’s Landing that the dead were stirring beyond the Wall, the brave Democrats of the Seven Kingdoms sent a delegation…
It happens to us all. One day, your mom is telling you to be careful when climbing a tree, and the next day, she’s a seventy-five-year-old standing on top of a wobbly fifteen-foot ladder, dusting a chandelier with an old TV Guide. “It’s fine,” she yells, “I’ve been doing…
What I’m looking for: A confident, independent female roughly twenty times my size with a dangly, glowing orb attached to her forehead.
Don’t hate me if I: Latch on to you and permanently fuse to your body until my head dissolves and our…